35/35

I am almost 35 weeks along and therefor 35 days to go. We are trying to get things ready to go for this one's arrival, but are not feeling motivated. I don't know what it is, but with B I am sure we were done with everything by this time and were just waiting on his arrival. I am starting to feel really uncomfortable and worn out. I am trying to play and do a lot of things with B because I know that once this baby comes that time will have to be split between the two. That alone is wearing me out. I have such bad "MOM GUILT" its not even funny. I feel so guilty for having another baby and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty. I don't want to deprive either child.

Also, the stress at work is getting to me. I just found out that I will not be paying for full- time benefits this year because my department does not want to grant me 2 more hours a week to qualify for their new full time status. This means that I will be paying more monthly for insurance and not receive as much paid time off and other perks that come with full time status. This is caused me to look else where for work, which is hard to do when I am this far along. I've decided that while I am out on maternity leave I will try and find another job that can provide us the full time benefits. This could be a blessing in disguise as I might find something out there that is better and needed this push to get me out of my comfort zone. It may not. Either way I just the Lord has a plan for me.

B has been really clinging lately. At one end its nice to have that "I'm needed feeling" and at the other end, it only makes my "mom guilt" worse. Oh well, I guess there is nothing I can do about it, but just try and be the best mom I can be.